scared

i push it to the back of my mind.

in the dream the door is open
a bald man who looks like my lack of trust
has let himself in
a kitchen knife and carrots
he bends away from me, busy.

i move my feet towards him until he is a monster, wide eyed
chopping my freedom from me, at the ankles
and all i can do is sound

open eyes.

the warm man in my bed
listens with his arms
wraps a knee around me
until it is light.

morning

when it was time to wake up, she'd ring a bell.
it weighed about half a pound
small, copper, chipped on one corner.
she'd seen it in a movie once
tucked in beside her sister and father at a black and white picture.
a stout old man in a sunday suit
shook a large copper bell until a puffy black woman
rounded a corner in a white apron.

she had thought it was the perfect thing, kneeling amongst the old porcelain dishes, and dusty picture frames at an estate auction

to call her girls with. to remind them
that this life
was not a vacation.

every morning, the same.
she'd come in from the kennel, the smell of morning work under her arms, already sticking to the skin around her neck.
old blue jeans and a purple sweatshirt, she'd pull off her black barn boots by the front door, washing her hands in the large square sink.

she and the sun would've been up two hours, enough time to build a warm chest of resentment. two small girls, asleep in pink rectangle beds
she had paid for, dressed
while she worked alone in rows of wire cages
scrubbing circles around memories of her little golden girl.

that's nice, thanks

this morning while sipping coffee
i made puzzle pieces from your words
moved them around
til they were a train.

maybe, i'll show you.

it started raining today
while i was deep throating
mint lettuce mushroom wraps
on the floor
listening to a talk about how little
women are asked or heard in the news.

the numbers are interesting.

i mounted my wet bike.
the adjussi who smokes outside the door
told me it was raining
drippy cigarette pointing
at quick darts of water
clinging to my dress and thighs

i thanked him
took off down the street surprised.